Just one of those days.....

Today was one of those days that just seemed so sad. I have been thinking back to last deployment and how much it truly sucked. Any little moment that I have thought about my husband I would find myself near tears. He is still in the US right now but I feel like I miss him so much, like he has been so far away and I haven't seen him in ages. Knowing that he wont be home until May just makes it worse because it seems so far away. Last time he missed small things like Valentines Day, my graduation but nothing really important. This time around he will be missing so much more; Gabriel's first steps, his first birthday, my 21st,  taking Gabriel trick-or-treating, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, Valentines Day...possibly our first wedding anniversary too.  The hard part about last time was that it was our first deployment and we didn't know what to expect from it. I recall sitting in my room listening to music that would remind me of him and crying while I was reading his letters or looking through pictures of us. I would check my email at least fifty times a day and the phone was pretty much surgically attached to me and I wouldn't mind a three a.m  phone call. It was tough, so now, I know it's only going to be wore. I hate thinking that I will be a lifeless mess because I know my son needs me and it's not fair for me to be moping around these next months. It's unfair to him and if I miss out on anything I will feel guilty about it later on. The point is, my life can't stop while he's gone but I do know I will have days like the one I had today and I hate that feeling. Stupid deployment...