30 day shred

I haven't updated this blog in a long time but I finally made a commitment and decided to start working out and eating better. It dawned on me one day, I had a slice of cake for breakfast, lunch and dinner when I realized that my husband is going to come home to a big fat lard ball. I don't eat a whole lot of burgers, fries, potato chips or that kind of junk. My big weaknesses are desserts. But I have decided to put an end to my unnessasary munching and start working out. I have a gym membership but I don't have the time to go, that has been my excuse to not work out. A whole bunch of Mommies on the WTE September 08 board started doing the Jillian Micheals 30 Day Shred and I had heard that some of them got wonderful results. 

Today was day one of the shred. Boy-oh-boy was that a workout! I kept wanting to quit and go eat some cake or something but I stuck through it. After the workout I felt like my body had turned into Jello but honestly, I felt a huge sense of accomplishment. I know that tomorrow I will want to avoid the workout but I need to stick through it. Once I start seeing results I know I will feel even more motivated. But now, I'm complaining how tired I am and how I want something to eat...

I know I shouldn't but,

I can't help but feel sad and even envious when I find out that someone is pregnant or has just had a baby. Not envious in the sense that I wish something would happen to the person or the baby, never the bad kind of jealousy, I just wish it was me. While I'm congratulating the Mother-to-be or holding the new baby I am trying to choke back the tears. I don't know why it hurts me so badly, maybe it's the fact that I know I can't have another baby now and that my husband doesn't want another one right now. Maybe it's the fact that I wish I was the one giving the news about my BFP or cradling my new baby but I shouldn't feel that way. I am happy for the friends and family who are adding another member to their family, but I wish I was too. 

The NOT so Itsy Bitsy Spider

I don't have irrational phobias over insects or anything really. Prior to becoming a mom, I would see a spider and would squish it or just relocate it outside. Now I see one and I freak out, not because I am scared of them, I get scared that it will bite Gabriel. I have a fear of anything hurting my son, guess that's motherhood for you though. So instead of putting the spiders outside like back in the day, I squish it and make sure they are good and dead before anything can harm him.

Well today, my sister has like 10 girls over to celebrate her birthday and since the house was getting hot, I opened the door to the patio and sat in the kitchen. Well, the door had been open for about an hour or so, and while I was sitting here, trying to update the Daddy Blog, out of the corner of my eye I see something greyish black crawling across the kitchen floor. I focus on the moving object and see a humongous spider. Never in my life had I seen such a big and fat spider. Just thinking about it gives me chills. I jumped up and ran to find a shoe, snatched it from my sister's foot and ran to look for the spider and I couldn't see it! I can't even explain how much I freaked out when I couldn't find it! I found it and smashed it. All of my sister's friends looked at me like I was crazy and overreacting until I called one of them over to see it. She said it looked like a baby tarantula and we couldn't get over how big it was. We think it crawled in from outside but just the thought that there could be more make me freak out so much. I never want to see a spider like that again. Had I not been here and seen it,  it could've crawled behind a piece of furniture and bitten Gabriel tomorrow. The thought of that disgustingly huge spider crawling on my son mortifies me. I'm so glad that the spider is not here to torment us any longer. 

4 years

Today marks our fourth year together. It has not been easy, in fact, we've gone through very tough times. Right from the start we knew that it wouldn't be easy, we started dating knowing that he would be getting deployed in a few month yet regardless, we still fell more and more for eachother. When the time came for our goodbyes I promised that I would be here waiting. And I did. It was tough but I knew that he was worth every second, not knowing what would happen when he got home. We kept our faith and our promise to eachother and when he was finally in my arms, I knew that I would wait forever if he needed me to. We fought and bickered about everything and we made up. Numerous tears have been shed and there were times when we wanted to give up. We hit a very rough patch and were at a make it or break it point but we're still here. I'm waiting for him, yet again, and I will be here for him always.  I can honestly say that I can see us getting old together and walking together bickering all wrinkly and toothless. So while these four years are nothing compared to our goal of "forever" they are a huge milestone for us!