Wednesday, May 27, 2009

ughhhhh stupid work

I hate the fact that I have to work!!!! Stay at home moms are so lucky!!!! I would much rather deal with a cranky teething baby who hasnt taken a nap all day and is fussy than deal with work. Not only do I have to deal with stupid customers telling me that their stupid coffee "tastes funny" but I have to deal with my co workers acting like idiots. Im sick the immature people I work with and me working my ass off and they sit on their ass and do nothing. Seriously, I need my job, I dont just need it to pay for weed and alcohol like they do. And I dont want to be a pain in the butt and nag but I'm honestly tired of getting blamed for crap they do. Or, dont do.
Not only working itself sucks but just having to pump at work! I wish I worked somewhere where I had an office or somewhere I could pump, not the bathroom! I hate how customers stand outside and bang on the door and when they see me come out they complain about how long I took and how I have no right. EXCUSE ME?!? But whatever, I guess. I dont care because I am going to keep pumping to provide for my child, aaahhh the sacrifices but he's worth it

I'm just rambling today. Tough day, needed to get this off my chest. Now off to bed, my eyes are literaly drooping.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Day One

Day one for so many things.
This blog for once, I'm new at this, I'd blog on myspace but for quite some time i've been wanting to start a separte blog.

and then there's Deployment-
Gabriel and I had to say goodbye to Daddy yesterday. I had promised myself not to cry, I know it's hard enough on my husband to leave with out me being a bawling mess. He's already sad enough that he has to leave us and miss out on so many of Gabriel's milestones like his first steps, first birthday, etc so why should I make it harder on him? But honestly, it was unevitable. It's impossible to hold myself together when I know he'll be gone for a year. "You've gone through this before" i would tell myself, yeah but not for a whole year and not with a child. And I would honestly go back and forth trying to keep myself positve and keep back tears. I mean, I know I have to go on with my life, Gabriel is only going to be a baby once and if I'm all depressed about deployment I'll miss out on it. I know he'll be back, he just has to but then I think about something happening to him and Gabriel never seeing his dad again. I know I'm not the only one going though this, acutally, two other girls on my myspace friend list are also in the same boat as I am. One has a 20 month old, the other a ten month old and is also pregnant so I know if i need a pep talk I can turn to them. Thankfully, my mom is a huge help but it will be weird not having him around to turn to when i had a bad day or fight over whether we watch sports center or food network.
It seems like this deployment just came and bit me in the butt. I feels like he just told me that he was getting deployed when I had to say goodbye. It honestly sucks. The good thing that does come out of this is that when he gets back we can move into our own place and stuff but as i told him, I'd rather be poor and live in a shack with you and the pooper than you leave.
Guess there's not much else I can do. He's gone already, up in Lejune, then 29 palms then heading to Iraq.
I guess what hurts the most is just Gabriel. I think down the road to homecoming and I just fear him not recognizing Daddy or crying when he tries to hold him. He's so young, too young to understand what's going on and understand why his daddy isn't around for such a long time. We put Gabriel to bed last night and he didnt want to give Daddy a kiss, he didnt understand that it would be the last time he saw him, held him, kissed him for a long time.
Im sure I can get by, I mean, I did last time, now I have an even bigger reason to keep going my everyday life. And I sure hope this year flies by. It's the first day and I'm already over this crap.