Finally, after months and months of planning, his birthday party is here...well a few hours away but still, it's right around the corner. My house is full of presents and boxes filled with party supplies. I swear, I'm making myself sick to my stomach just thinking about tomorrow and Iknow that I just need to chill out and enjoy the party no matter what happens. I guess I am really just nervous and sad and excited and stressed! I wish my husband was home. I think that's the bottom line, I dont want to feel sad and get all depressed because he's not going to be with us on this special day that we were looking forward to so much and I'm trying to keep myself busy in order to avoid those feelings. I know that Gabriel isn't going to remember the party but I guess deep down, I just want it to be a happy day, make it seem like I'm not hurting on the inside to not have my husband home.
I shouldn't be feeling this way, mostly it's the stress and exhaustion talking and I should be in bed since I have to be up early and have a busy, busy day ahead.
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