Monday, September 7, 2009

Throwback time!

Today while I was doing my makeup to get ready for the day, my sister came into my room and sat on my bed. Since my ipod was plugged into my laptop and was on shuffle, songs from about two years ago came on and I told my sister how I hadn't heard this one song in a long time. The song reminded me of two summers ago, and I started thinking back to how different my life was back then. Two summers ago I was with my Hubby, then boyfriend, and we spent our days off driving around in the TC, we would head over to Half Moon Bay just for the heck of getting out of the area. Sometimes it would be 9 pm and we would decide to go for a little drive. We would walk along the beach and just sit on the huge rocks with the moon over our heads illuminating the crashing waves. We would go out to eat all the time, thinking back to how much money we spent on those meals gives me chills! We had no responsibility, no diapers to buy, no one to look after or really care about other than ourselves. It sounds horrible when I say that but what I mean is how now we have a reason to save our money, to drive carefully, to live for.  Before we would go out and drink, party and just have fun. Now, I was never the hard-core party girl but we definitely had some good times! House parties, hotel parties, just sitting in my mom's backyard with his cousins and friends while we listened to good music and sipped some drinks and ate pizza. They were good times. Looking back, it seems as if those summer nights and party days were a long, long time ago. 
I have changed. He has changed. While I am not saying I will give up a glass of wine or a few drinks forever and never ever go out and have fun, I just don't feel the need to do it anymore. I have fun sitting at home with my son, playing peek-a-boo and chasing after him. 
I don't really know what the latest chart toppers or club hits are, the songs I know now are all along the lines of singing "Old Macdonald" to my kid to see him giggle and laugh uncontrollably. 
I feel like I'm such an old person sometimes, I realize how much my life has changed and how much better it is now that I actually have something meaningful in my life. I don't think that even in those days I was a complete irresponsible girl. I knew that I wanted to someday have a family, I knew that he would be the man I would marry and I knew that if I were to get pregnant we would be able to support our child and act like the adults we are now. It's not that I think that I am better than those young mom's out there, I know I am not the best but I do strive to give my son everything I can and make sure he is getting everything he needs, not only physically but emotionally and developmentally. I do realize I am turning 21 in one month from tomorrow, and I do remember how I had planned a trip to vegas for my big 2-1 but things change. People change. Priorities change. I know I'm not going to deprive myself of having a life, which is what people say I am doing, but my son is my life now. And while I do see friends of mine celebrating their 21st birthdays, going out for drinks and acting, well, like a young person,  and I do admit, I do find myself living vicariously though them but, I don't want to be them. I have never been so fulfilled in my life, I don't feel like I'm missing out because I have something worth more than a bottle of Captain Morgan or a shot of Patron, I have a beautiful son who with one smile gives me more of a buzz and a high than any drug or type of alcohol. 
Yes, those days were fun, but the ones to come will be a billion times better!

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