Friday, October 1, 2010

"your kid is slow"

If there is something about being a mother that I cannot stand is the comparisons. From the moment that I was pregnant, the comparisons and unwanted advice started. My husband's aunt was pregnant at the same time as I was so the comparisons poured in non-stop. From our ultrasounds, to our morning sickness, to everything, it became some sort of competition. The fact that every pregnancy, every woman, every child, is different is not new. I enjoyed every minute of my pregnancy, even when I was 40 lbs over my initial weight I still enjoyed it. It was people comparing our bellies and saying I was "huge" (ok, I know I was huge, but hearing it non stop was ridiculous, especially when I was "huge" compared to someone else) that really got to me. Then our kids were born, her daughter was born the 19th, Gabe was born the 21st, her labor was quick, mine was long and painful. She had a girl who was about 7lbs, I had a 9lb 6oz chunker. I really wished that would be the end of the comparisons but I was not naive and knew that it was only the beginning.
When it came to bottle vs breast, the comparisons were there. To weight gain and height, to who crawled, got teeth, walked, everything was this huge competition. At least to everyone else. I know my kid is his own person, he develops at his own rate, he's a big kid, he always has been. I hate hearing direct comments, or from other people, that my kid is "slow". He's not. I know this and I wish people would butt out. For someone who does not have a degree in child development should NOT be making those comments. For Gabriel to be compared to a girl (from what I hear, girls typically talk, potty train, etc faster than boys do) is crazy. He's NOT stupid, he knows what you are saying, he has excellent memory (you show him flash cards or something in a book and he remembers it next time, even if when you showed him the flash card was a month ago). He understands two languages, likes to read, likes to play with toys that help him problem solve (puzzles, stacking toys, memory cards, etc) he watches only certain tv shows (Mickey, Thomas, Seasame Street and Word World) but he doesnt say very many words. Then again, he is an only child and isn't around other kids like this other little girl is. But for someone to say my child is slow is preposterous. I wish that parents thought before they spoke, I'm sure they hate getting unwanted advice or their kids to be compared to others yet they still feel entitled to throw their two cents in. All I can say, is that I hope that next time I have a baby, no one from DH's family has one around the same time.

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