Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Sixteen Candles

No, I'm not talking about the movie. My "baby" sister turns 16 today. As if I'm not emotional enough seeing my son growing up so quickly, my sister is flying towards adulthood. It's crazy how fast time has flown these years. I remember seeing her for the first time at the hospital, I can even recall her scent and how soft her baby skin felt. I remember how at 6 years old I only thought of all the fun times I would have playing with her and how I would help my mom with her. Never did I think of the times where we would fight and bicker, how she would take my toys and eventually my shirts or makeup. I knew I would have to help her and all but I never imagined that I would need to wipe away her tears at time and try to cheer her up when someone hurt her. I guess at 6, you don't really think of that, do you?

Now to see her, all grown up, I realize how much she has matured. Yeah, she's still kind of bratty at times, not gonna lie, but I see her becoming a very beautiful young woman with lots of talents. I know that right now, she might not feel that way, she might feel like no one understands her and we don't know what she's going through. Her and I are so different in many ways, yet, lately I see how alike we are at times. She hides her insecurities behind a fake smile, says she is "fine" when she feels like the whole world is crashing down on her. I know this, I see it and I know that it's all part of being a teenage girl. She locks herself in her room and blasts music on full volume to cheer herself up when she's feeling down. I did the same.

I also know at times she's says I'm "boring" and "old" and although she doesn't say it to me, she thinks I don't get her either. I know how annoyed I would get when people would nag me, how I just wanted to tell them to shut up when they would try to convince me that one day I would be happy and that I would understand. At 16, there is no hope for a better day, it's always black or white. You always want what you can't have, people either understand you or they dont, you pass or fail, you are "in" or you are a loser. You are stuck between being a kid and being an adult, you want to make your own rules, make your own mistakes and do what you want but you just can't. And it's perhaps one of the most frustrating times. I know that she's strong, she's always been a fighter and has always been that way. I just want her to know, that despite all we've been through that the sun will shine brighter as the days go by. That she needs to understand that one day, she's not going to care about people that have hurt her, but it's always better for that day to come sooner rather than later. I want to protect her from harm, keep her from stumbling and making mistakes and getting hurt in the process yet, I know that in order for her to grow her wings, she needs to fall and dust herself off and one day look back and realize how much she has grown and changed. I know it's happening already, she already looks back and realizes how much better off she is, I just want her to always see that. In ways, I feel like I can be overprotective, after all, I try to not just be there as a sister but as a parent, as a friend. Maybe she doesn't consider me a friend just yet, but I know she knows that I'm here for her. That just because I don't see her everyday and I have my own little family now doesn't mean that I have an unconditional love for her, that I wont drop anything to help her, that I wont hurt when I see her hurting. It's hard to take sides sometimes, I'm stuck in the middle between my mom and my sister because, I've been a 16 year old hormonal girl, and now I'm a mom. Being a mom, I also cry when I see how big she is, she's a Junior now, and I still see that little two year old covered in spaghetti with her little pigtails and goofy grin every time I look at her. I always remember the good times we had, playing games before falling asleep at night, jamming out to Taylor Swift, dressing up like "Homies" for no reason, taking dorky pictures, going to Twilight midnight showings, our little "dates" and seeing Mom & Tia Yola and realizing that one day we will be as old as they are and still being the dorks we are is something I always look forward to.

Happy Birthday Baby Girl. I love you so much! Remember you are beautiful and smart and can do so much if you set your mind and heart to it. Don't let anyone else tell you otherwise! I'm always here for you and always will be.

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