Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Day One

Day one for so many things.
This blog for once, I'm new at this, I'd blog on myspace but for quite some time i've been wanting to start a separte blog.

and then there's Deployment-
Gabriel and I had to say goodbye to Daddy yesterday. I had promised myself not to cry, I know it's hard enough on my husband to leave with out me being a bawling mess. He's already sad enough that he has to leave us and miss out on so many of Gabriel's milestones like his first steps, first birthday, etc so why should I make it harder on him? But honestly, it was unevitable. It's impossible to hold myself together when I know he'll be gone for a year. "You've gone through this before" i would tell myself, yeah but not for a whole year and not with a child. And I would honestly go back and forth trying to keep myself positve and keep back tears. I mean, I know I have to go on with my life, Gabriel is only going to be a baby once and if I'm all depressed about deployment I'll miss out on it. I know he'll be back, he just has to but then I think about something happening to him and Gabriel never seeing his dad again. I know I'm not the only one going though this, acutally, two other girls on my myspace friend list are also in the same boat as I am. One has a 20 month old, the other a ten month old and is also pregnant so I know if i need a pep talk I can turn to them. Thankfully, my mom is a huge help but it will be weird not having him around to turn to when i had a bad day or fight over whether we watch sports center or food network.
It seems like this deployment just came and bit me in the butt. I feels like he just told me that he was getting deployed when I had to say goodbye. It honestly sucks. The good thing that does come out of this is that when he gets back we can move into our own place and stuff but as i told him, I'd rather be poor and live in a shack with you and the pooper than you leave.
Guess there's not much else I can do. He's gone already, up in Lejune, then 29 palms then heading to Iraq.
I guess what hurts the most is just Gabriel. I think down the road to homecoming and I just fear him not recognizing Daddy or crying when he tries to hold him. He's so young, too young to understand what's going on and understand why his daddy isn't around for such a long time. We put Gabriel to bed last night and he didnt want to give Daddy a kiss, he didnt understand that it would be the last time he saw him, held him, kissed him for a long time.
Im sure I can get by, I mean, I did last time, now I have an even bigger reason to keep going my everyday life. And I sure hope this year flies by. It's the first day and I'm already over this crap.


  1. :( Its hard and a year is a long time. Scott is gone for a year as well. I did the same thing you did and said I wasn't going to cry because I didn't want to make it harder on him, but I ended up bawling like a big baby. Yes we have been through it before-but a year is a lot longer than 6-7 months and this time we have babies. Hang in there and I'm always here if you need anything :)

  2. Thanks Sarah, that means a ton to me!