It's bitter sweet, I realize that he's growing up so quick and I know that soon he wont be falling every 10 steps and he won't need my help anymore. It's sad, and I wish I could pause time and enjoy my baby boy more before he's not baby any longer.
In that brief moment that I watched him take those steps I not only got nostalgic because he's growing up, but I started thinking about how my husband is missing all these first moments and how he will feel to know he has missed so much. I am thankful for what he does, however, I can't help but wish that he would have been here with me to see it. I did manage to catch some of his first steps on video, but I know that is not the same. We will never have this all over again, we want more children, but it wont ever be a set of first first steps. Never again will we have a first first birthday or any other first first moment.
I know that I can't be such a downer but this deployment seems so much harder than our first one. I am looking at the calender and have realized that we have only a few days left til Thanksgiving and a few weeks left til Christmas and I am not overjoyed like other years. I am actually dreading it. I know that come those days, I will be a blubbering mess. In the years we have been together we have never not been together during the holidays.
So, while this is a happy moment, I wish my husband was here to see our little booger butt toddling around the house.